COVID fatigue? Three steps to change your experience
We are months into a pandemic with not end in view. The early optimism, the funny and inspiring videos and the daily clapping for the first responders have come and passed. By now you may have realized that we are in this for the long haul and the idea of sipping another glass of wine talking with your friends over Zoom is making you slightly nauseous. You might enjoy the extra time at home and the lighter traffic but you miss physical connection, hugging each other, dancing in the middle of a crowd and more importantly crossing path with people without wondering if they are possible carrier of a deadly virus.
If you and your loved ones are healthy, you have a roof over your head, a job that brings you some income and you live in a safe environment, you’re better than most. Nevertheless, you may experience this destabilizing feeling of always being on edge for apparently no reason. If it’s the case, be assured you’re not alone. It’s called COVID Emotional Fatigue and is caused mostly by the uncertainty of the situation.
There are two types of traumas triggering stress:
• the sudden event where your life changes from one day to next. Divorce, accident, death of a loved one, loss of a job…
• The long mini aggression of daily life you experience when not living your best life: Staying in a toxic relationship, being in a job you don’t like, living in a war zone where you’re not in immediate danger or living in time of COVID.
The problem with the latter is that, even though the level of pain is not extreme, it’s continuous. The feeling is the one of a scratch that is rubbed on over and over again, day after day. Irritating at first, unpleasant for sure, painful over time and, as the pain becomes constant, the body responds the the best of its ability by making us numb to the unpleasant sensation. Except that when the numbness settles in and the aggression continues, our body keeps the score and we experience physical or emotional symptoms like lack of sleep, fatigue, irritability, headache, muscle pain… that seem to have no reason, but are actually quite real.
The effect of these mini aggressions is exacerbated if you have been an history of traumatic events and feelings of anxiety or depression can be observed over time.
In order to evaluate a situation, the human brain registers at any moment three data:
• What do is going on: facts or thoughts about the situation
• What does the situation makes you feel: emotion
• What does your body experiences: body sensation
Those datas impact what we “think’ about the situation and our response to it, which in turn impacts our reactions and actions.
fact+emotion+sensation = response/reaction => action
Let’s take the example of the way your brain processes the COVID pandemic
1. Thought: There is virus that might be dangerous and it affects my life
2. Feeling: It makes me feel nervous/worried…
3. Sensation: My body gets tense
The response to it can be: I have to hide, I want to ignore it, I’m enraged because it limits my life, I’m overwhelmed and can’t get clear about what to do… it all depends on what your subconscious brain tells you is an appropriate response to a stressful situation. Depending on this response you will act differently which will make you in turn feel differently.
To change your response, you need to change one component of the equation
I’ve worked with many clients who are in toxic relationships and the first way to change the situation is to leave the relationship. Easier said than done. Most of my clients feel they don’t have a choice or at least the mean to do that. In that sense COVID-19 feels very similar. Leaving the pandemic environment is not possible. Since you cannot change the situation, you have to change yourself in the situation which is a process in three steps.
Step number one: What are the real facts?
The fact is that we are in a pandemic. It isn’t virus is everywhere and we all gonna die, nor it is this is all a hoax, and nothing is happening. Try to be as close as possible to the facts. Which I have to admit is slightly challenging in this case as most of the facts are unknown. So do your best at establishing your best baseline of fact.
We are in a time of unknown but there are things that are known, including your identity, your value, who you are and want to be in life. Gratitude is a positive way to approach the facts. Make a list of what is going ‘right’ in your life. Those can be as simple as I’m grateful I’m alive, I have a roof over my head, and I have access to fresh water.
Once you identify the first few elements of positivity, more will come. Like attracts like and as you notice good things or things you can control. You will feel more positive which in turn will make you think of more positive things.
Step number two: How do I feel?
Just naming your feeling can bring a sense of relief. Is it sadness, anger, anxiety or is it joy, wonder? Whatever it is, no need to change the feeling. It is what it is and will evolve on its own when ready. Many people also experience grief. Grief of what used to be life, of what 2020 was supposed to be, of not being able to travel or meet your friends. Like in any grief experience, there are different stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
The extra challenge in this case is that we still hold on to the hope that things will come back to “normal” but we don’t know when and are not even sure what “normal” will look like.
Sense your feelings and allow them to evolve through mindfulness. Start by listening to yourself. At this moment I feel… Identify what you’re feeling, put a name on it and breathe. Is it anger, sadness, overwhelm, joy, hope. Focus on your breath and not into changing the feeling. The simple act of breathing calmly will send to your brain a signal that there is nothing to worry about and you will feel better within few minutes if not seconds.
Mindfulness can be practiced in many different ways:
• Meditation guided or not
• Walking in nature
• Day dreaming
• Listening to music
• Repetitive actions or movements
Just allowing the feeling to change on its own, allowing it to be and noticing when it feels better or more relaxed. If you can’t put a word on your feeling just sense if it is more positive, negative or neutral. You will be able to get more details with practice.
Step number 3: How does my body experiences the situation?
Body sensation is the voice of the subconscious mind. If you are in physical pain, it’s impossible to feel relaxed. In order to allow your body to relax, it’s important to allow the energy trapped it to move.
Physical exercise or movements are a wonderful way to do that. Another way to release trapped energy is to allow the emotions to flow through you. Therefore crying, laughing or even yawning are part of the process. Once again, don’t judge how your body is responding. Many of my clients physically shake when nervous and it’s actually a very healthy way to go back to a more balanced state.
In those moments of crisis, take care of your body more than ever. Eat healthy, stay away from drugs, alcohol, sugar and other substances that are inhibiting your body to process the emotions. Try to move and exercise regularly. If you have a partner you live with, try to exchange physical affection or massages. If you have kids, allow them to jump up and down or to organize pillow fights and join them. The physical process of moving and expressing your feelings through movement will help. And once in a while, when you feel like it, turn on the music and dance. So many traditions include dance or movement as part of their ritual.
If you are working from home, move every couple of hours even if it’s just to walk around your desk.
In conclusion:
We entered this pandemic without warning and it’s natural that you are challenged by the constant mini aggressions of daily life in time of COVID. Unfortunately, we have no idea when life will go back to normal and what this normal will look like.
It’s natural to grieve what used to be, so be kind to yourself. At the same time, this is an opportunity to get back to balance within yourself. Practice gratitude, listen to your feelings, move your body and realize that change happens for the worse or actually for the best. Who knows what amazing surprise awaits you?
