Good News: There is No Light at the End of the Tunnel
As I was a little girl, I always wanted to help others. After graduating from high school at just 15 years old, I tried to become a doctor. Unfortunately, I never got to pass my med school exam. I wanted to have a big family, a loving husband and live close to the many people I loved. My marriage ended up in a divorce. I got terrible post-partum depression, which forced me to stop growing my family at baby number two. And I ended up moving to the United States, leaving most of my loved once behind in France and Israel.
More recently, I met a great man. I fully believed that it was developing into a meaningful, long-term, relationship. It was only after I fully opened myself up to him he disappeared completely from my life from one day to the next. It’s true that life can, and will, hand each of us a few lemons to deal with. I just feel grateful that the lemons I got handed are not of the sourest kind and that I have been so far been able to create the sweetest lemonade in this bittersweet life.
Sometimes, life has a way of surprising us in not-so-pleasant-ways. Sometimes it just plain sucks. Through all that I have faced these past few years, I have learned to keep my head held high, my heart open, and to keep a genuine smile on my face. Happiness is not the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Let me completely honest when I tell you that, there is NO light at the end of the tunnel! You, know. That light. The one that dangles itself in front of you, telling you if only you had the promotion/raise/perfect relationship/perfect health then life would be perfect. This light you might be looking for is not “at the end of the tunnel”.
I’m not saying that goals, and aspiring to those things is not important. They are. But no one thing in-and-of-itself is the key to happiness.
Happiness is about enjoying even the little, seemingly insignificant moments on your journey through this “tunnel.” Because, guess what? You may be in it for a while. And, wouldn’t it be great if you could really, truly start appreciating and enjoying every moment of it? The moments of joys of smile and joy, as much as those of sorrow and sadness. I have travelled through my fair share of“tunnels” in my lifetime…As someone who has been there too, I’d like to share a five insights with you:
1- When you’re in a place that you thought was “it” for you in life, when you believe you have found your sense of direction, you will suddenly find yourself at an unexpected set of crossroads. One that you never asked for or wanted. The confusion can send your head spinning and the pain can cut like a knife. When my husband of twenty years left me, my life took a steep turn in a direction I could never have imagined. As I worked my way through it, I emerged through the other side, not only stronger than I ever knew I could be, but having found my true calling in life — which is helping others to reinvent themselves during a traumatic time in their life. I have also been blessed with new, wonderful community of friends. So next time you feel like your life has completely derailed, ask yourself: “What good reason may there be for this happening for me now?”
2- “Tunnels” are an essential part of life. Entering and going through a tunnel is the only thing that creates change within us. Sometimes, change can be so scary, that it paralyzes us into a state of inaction. During this state of change, it’s so important for us to remember that all it takes to make it though the tunnel is putting one foot in front of the other to keep moving forward. It may seem like going through a change is taking way too long, and the journey is way too dark. When it feels impossible to see the any light in sight, stay strong. Remember that it takes extreme courage to embark on something new.
Trust me, staying stuck where you are can be more painful than the risks you’ll take to change your situation. In my experience, clients in abusive relationships really had a tendency to struggle with this. Where they were was not good, but they knew what to expect, and the risk of change felt scarier than dealing with what they knew. Their pain was predictable. Change is scary. Through their sessions with me, they discover that pushing through, into the unknown can lead them to great personal growth, and necessary change in their life. It is true that any action, is better than no action. Progress over perfection.
3- The “end” of situation is often followed by this messy middle I call “the limbo”. You may feel like you’re not who you used to be and at the same time that you’re not clear about the person you want to become. Stay strong. As Winston Churchill once said: “If you are going through hell, keep going”. Now is the perfect time to pause. Take a deep breath, and objectively look at your life. Maybe this is the gift you didn’t know you needed. Your opportunity for reinvention. As it may be, what was first perceived as the darkest point of your tunnel — -may actually be a blank page, where you’re now free to write a new chapter to your story.
4- Being so focused on the light at the end of the tunnel could very well prevent you from appreciating all of the small wins, and simple joys in your life along the way. Happiness is not linked about “getting something in particular”. It’s not about reaching a goal. It’s about enjoying every moment, even the more challenging ones. It’s about riding the wave when everything is great and not being scared when things are more challenging.
Truth be told, I’m writing this article from a busy, crowded airport. And I’ve been stranded here for the past 28 hours. Sleeping on the floor wasn’t my most pleasant experience, but it was an opportunity to meet great people! One man was on his way to shovel snow at 2:00 a.m.. Others I talked to in the bathroom were just as exhausted as me. These things happen to us all. It’s called life! True happiness comes from keeping things in perspective and not being too thrown off by the ups and downs that are sure to happen. Practice gratitude, and remember: today is the best day of the rest of your life.
5-Be open to be surprised by life. When I started my journey, I thought I knew what I wanted. Turns out, life had other plans. There were a lot of surprises that made my life way richer and more interesting than I could ever have imagined. I’m not alone here. One of my clients was so upset she couldn’t find a job. One day, she decided to evaluate her path and we got to talk through hypnosis with her future self. As it would turn out, she came to the realization that she didn’t even want to work in the Tech world like everyone else in Silicon Valley anymore. Today, she’s opening a nonprofit to help women who had to fly abusive relationships, and feels happiness and fulfillment through her work like she never has before.
Stop looking for the light at the tunnel! It’s just a mirage anyway. Instead learn to take the light in your tunnels. This light that is in you. This light that tells you that you can do it, that you are lovable, that you are worthy of the best! Take your light in the tunnel and light up your own path. I promise you, it’s a beautiful one.
