The Power Yo-Yo Challenge
7 tips to own, and keep, your power
Do you consider yourself a powerful person?
If not, read this.
If yes, good for you. You might still want to read this.
If, like me, you are experiencing a Yo-Yo effect of owning your own power some days and doubting it the others, this article is definitely for you.
You were born with all the potential within you. Potential for success, happiness, positive relationships, leadership, power and so much more. But, if you stumbled upon this article, there is a big chance you are not experiencing those amazing feelings on a constant basis. Don’t worry, you are not alone. Sometimes it feels like we spend as much time questioning or dismissing our power, as we spend building it.
If you are done feeling powerless or tired of the Yo-Yo effect of power, let’s talk about what power is, how a powerful person really behaves, and how to stop the self-sabotage of your own power.
Definition of power
According to the Oxford dictionary, Power is described as “…the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality”. A secondary definition is “…the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events”. I will focus less on this secondary definition, as for me, “Power” and feeling “Powerful” are more determined by your own way of being, than by the effect it has on others.
A powerful person is stable and clear about their ability in a way that it is creating a positive experience in their own life and might eventually inspire others.
Of course, there is an exaggerated version of power, where the hyper-powerful person is presenting themselves as overbearing, controlling, manipulative and even violent. And a diminished version where the hypo-powerful person is hiding, doubting of their ability and their potential to inspire others.
The Yo-Yo effect that you are probably observing is mostly between feeling that you’re in charge of your abilities toward success, and feeling inadequate and uncertain. Which takes us to the next question:
Why are you doubting or sabotaging your own power?
1. You associate power with something negative or even hurtful.
If you have experienced the effects of someone abusing their power, you are probably hesitant to become a powerful person, because your definition of power is wrong. Therefore, you are moving toward the hypo-powerful spectrum in order to avoid becoming the monster who hurt you, or the hyper-powerful to have an illusion of control and safety.
Children who were raised by narcistic or addicted parents have an even higher-level of anxiety when it comes to power, because they never knew what type of parent they would have. For them, authority and power could be kind and gentle one day and harmful the next.
What would be different if you knew you could use your power to inspire others instead of harming them?
2. You were told that power is wrong.
Way too many kids are raised in environment where voicing their opinion is unwelcome at best and unsafe at worst. Statements like: “Kids are meant to be seen not heard”, “Who do you think you are?”, “You are the child, and I am the parent, so shut up” can be extremely damaging. Often kids are powerless, until suddenly society or even the same parents ask them to become strong, independent, assertive young adults.
Until recently little girls had a very hard time showing up as powerful because “being angry or assertive is not ladylike”. In the most recent years though, little boys have to repress any expression of strength and “embrace their sensitive side to not seem scary”.
The stereotype masculine and feminine is just that, a stereotype. Sadness is not just for girls nor is anger solely for boys. Tears can be cathartic, and frustration can be demonstrated physically without the intention of violence.
What if every expression of emotion was acceptable?
3. You were powerful and it was criticized or mocked.
I was a pretty powerful little girl. The school system would describe me as “high potential” and I skipped two grades. I was shy but confident in my intellectual abilities and would raise my hand to answer any question. Until a day, in high-school, when my math teacher — whom, the 12-year-old teen I was, had a crush on — asked who knew the solution to a simple exercise. I raised my hand to answer, and someone made a snarky comment about me being the teacher’s pet. I felt ashamed right away. It only became worse when the instructor made a comment that I could answer because “isn’t she pretty?”. I felt the blood collecting on my cheeks and I sat down promising myself that I will never ever answer a question or show that I was smart.
Was there any point where someone made fun of you or made you feel less than because of your success?
4. You are afraid of your own power.
First of all, I will suggest that you avoid statements like that. You spent all those years working on becoming the best version of yourself, and here you are, this magnificent, wonderful, developed human being. Capable of facing life events with purpose and resilience. Able to create your own future to the best of your ability. And because your life is not perfect today, you decide that it’s because you are afraid of having it good??? Stop. Own your power. Own your victories, the challenging moments you overcame, the times you surprised yourself by succeeding beyond your expectations. Celebrate all of it.
Take the time to list all your accomplishments so far. Go ahead, don’t be shy.
5. You’re afraid others will judge you
Are you really telling me that you are limiting yourself because you’re afraid that, you being your best self, will hurt other’s feelings? That they will be jealous of your success? Let them be jealous! Your good friends will be celebrating with you. Others will either be inspired by you to step into their own power, or they will step away from your life and you won’t have to deal with them anymore. It’s not your job to make everyone happy. Your job is to be the best version of yourself you can be.
Describe the best version of you. The successful, powerful, happy you.
6. You want to stay humble.
I was in coaching class, learning how to present myself confidently. A young man was struggling with the topic. He was a self-described “good Christian man who was told to value humility”. He saw stepping into in power as bragging and there was no way he would do that, even though he knew he could help many by owning his abilities. At some point we stepped out for a break, and he went out to clear his mind. When he came back, he was transformed. He had just realized that “if Jesus Christ hadn’t stepped into his power, Christianity would not exist”. I don’t suggest that you introduce yourself as the son or daughter of God. I just say that, by owning your own abilities, you will offer the best service you can to this planet and its inhabitants.
Go back to this best version of you from #5, and check if you didn’t forget anything. If that helps, reflect on how what you have learned so far can be a support to others.
7. You are afraid of failure.
My son went through a rough patch academically, and then he stopped studying all together. When I asked him why, his answer was “at least that way, I know why I failed”. It made sense. If you don’t try, you might fail but will keep the hope that if you had tried, you could have succeeded.
This limiting belief will destroy you. Expressing your inner power, trying your best, showing up for yourself and others over and over again, is the only way I know toward success. But it doesn’t promise that your will achieve your goals. Athletes train every day to be the best, and sometimes they win, sometimes they lose. Actually, real power is only found when you work toward success and happiness, but you also know that if doesn’t happen, you have the resilience to get back on your feet and try again.
When was the last time you failed, brushed the dust, tried again, and succeeded? How did it feel?
You are powerful. You are capable. You are able to create the life that you want. Some days you will show up strong and empowered, some others you will doubt yourself. It’s okay. Standing into your power is not something you do; it is something you are. A stable, clear, loving, enthusiastic, positive being. Go be you! The best version of you. Never settle for less. Have fun in the process. I know you can. I trust you will.
Blocking your own power? Limiting your potential? Contact me
